Posted on March 6, 2016 at 3:20 pm<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
I recently finished divorcing one of my clients from her husband. She is, as far I\u2019m concerned, a lovely woman who has her children\u2019s best interests deeply embedded in her heart.<\/p>\n
As I was her collaborative lawyer, I also happen to know her husband much better than I would have had her divorce been accomplished in the conventional courtroom style. He, too, is an admirable person and a good dad, but has been deeply hurt by her decision to separate their households and to establish her independence from him.<\/p>\n
They were married during college, and both went on to graduate school, one in business and one in medicine. They are both very successful in their chosen careers.<\/p>\n
Six years ago, they decided to have children. They had a boy and a girl in rapid succession. Both are great parents and deeply committed to nurturing their children in a healthy and happy environment in which they can mature to adulthood.<\/p>\n
All that said, in her own mind, my client (let\u2019s call her \u201cSally\u201d) has been divorced for some time. She moved out of the marital home over a year ago and bought a house three blocks away. He, on the other hand, hasn\u2019t yet accepted his new status as her former husband.<\/p>\n
I met with Sally recently for a glass of wine. We became friends during the divorce process, and still are, despite that our business relationship has terminated. So I thought nothing of her invitation to get together.<\/p>\n
We first exchanged pleasantries about how her practice has taken off since the divorce, i.e. since she\u2019s been able to focus on it. We also, of course, chatted about our children; mine is 20 years older than hers. Perhaps because of that, she asked me for my advice on a number of child-rearing topics. Of course, my first tip is always the same: \u201ctrust your instincts. Everyone\u2019s a parent for the first time<\/a> at some point.\u201d<\/p>\n
![\"Co-Parenting](\"http:\/\/openpalmlaw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/Co-Parenting-After-Divorce-200x300.png\")
\u00a0<\/strong>2. Understand that a parenting relationship is hard work.<\/strong> Just as you should commence your marriage with the idea that you will both work together on \u201cbeing married\u201d every day, so, too, you should commence your divorce the same way, committed to working on parenting your children together. As I\u2019ve said about readying yourselves to marry, the same holds true post-divorce. Being parents together is not a state of being; it is a work in progress. And it is<\/em> work. So don\u2019t ignore problems when you first notice them. Work on them before they explode. Enlist the aid of a counselor. (A family or mental health counselor who specializes in divorce or parenting issues, or consider a parent coordinator, who specifically focuses on co-parenting issues). Getting counseling is not an admission of failure; it should be like signing up for guitar lessons or karate. If you can\u2019t think of a good reason to go, go to work on your communication, problem-solving, and other co-parenting skills.<\/p>\n![\"Go](\"http:\/\/openpalmlaw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/Family-Eating-200x300.png\")
<\/p>\n